DISCONTINUED

Well what can I say. What I tried to do in writing EVERY DAY didn't work, but I will continue to write when I can and get back on the right track to every day. So here's the scoop for today. Along with some feelings.

This has to be one of the worst days of my life. DO NOT HIT REPLY UNLESS YOU SEE WHO IT IS GOING TO!! Strongly suggested right? Well, I should listen to a lot of what my mother probably taught me that I discussed very recently with my daughter. "If you don't have anything nice to say.....don't say anything at all"! It should be a law. But then again, I would be in jail, just where my mouth/fingers should be.
I hurt a friend terribly today by writing things in a message on FB that I thought was only between her and I. I had not seen that it was a thread between three people. Well after writing very "mean girl" words about a friend, I inadvertently hit the reply button and in that instant that I hit it, saw REPLY ALL out of the corner of my eye. OMG I scream. I have to delete this!!! How do I unsend a message...children coming running in as I am crying/yelling as if someone died. Well, in essence I did! I died of embarrassment, fright, and shear panic. TOO LATE! She has an IPHONE, it will go right there.

No response, oh maybe I was able to delete it. NOT, there is absolutely no way to do it. She got it....wait she hasn't answered. Maybe it was a miracle, God you saved me.....let me send another to see if she is reading messages. Panic sets in more....I need the bathroom, I am going to be sick...what do I do????? Someone please help me......message 1.....oh dear she did read it.....she is angry and hurt I can see right from her message. I ask to speak with her directly not on FB, she doesn't want to talk. I apologize profusely hoping for a response. Still nothing. I can't sleep, and stop thinking of it. I keep talking to myself about what I did, and keep shaking my head. How could I one, be so careless about sending this message, and two, why did I write it. It was so hurtful and how would I feel if I read something like this about me. ughhhh I hate myself.

On another note, Stephen has been acting very strange these last few days. I am not sure exactly what is going on. He is not really going to meetings anymore and I feel he needs them not only for help in continuing his sobriety, but to help him deal with whatever is on his mind. He is not actually angry, but being this angry person with a twist of sarcasm. Is he angry about something? If he is kidding around, I am actually getting a little annoyed now with it. Everything I say to him has a sarcastic angry type answer. I ask what is going on and he says nothing. He does talk at some points, but then goes back to the same way.
Sometimes when I try to talk to him he what I believe makes like he doesn't hear me. I don't know if he really doesn't or he is just tuning me out. I try not to be on the computer so much, but if you are not going to talk to me, then what am I doing sitting here with you.
He may be a little angry that we have not been intimate, but I can't really be loving when you are acting this way. I have expressed that to him, but it hasn't really changed.

I am not quite sure what to do. Give me a few more days. The act of unkindness has taken me to another place.