LESSON LEARNED

Today started out much like it ended yesterday. I was unable to sleep much last night and wanted to sleep in a little late this morning. I was unable to do so. I didn't hear back from two friends I needed advice from about one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Alas this morning I heard from both, but one doesn't even know why I needed her. Because of my insomnia, I decide to send an email to explain why I needed her. The other I will answer later. Email sent, Sandra please help me....

I also hear from the friend I betrayed and she accepts my apology, but the friendship in a way has been destroyed. If not destroyed, torn to pieces. She would rather meet me than speak over the phone. I can understand her words, and they hit me a bit hard, but not as hard as mine hit her. So I deserve them. I don't answer her as I am running late to meet Angela. Will do it when I return.

Off to the gym to meet Angela. I hope that today brings a better day than yesterday ended. Cheryl keep your mouth shut. My body is a little sore from the beginning of my workout days. Angela is there when I arrive and I am grateful for the distraction of the day before. I knew we would discuss it, but hoped that she would help me through the day with words of wisdom. What can one say though that can't take back hurtful words that tore through the heart of a friend. Not too much, but just reassured me that it could be repaired.
Bike riding in the gym went very fast talking to my friend. We do a little more workout downstairs with the machines and then on our way we go to our "outing". This one will turn out different from yesterdays. I learned a very important lesson from that one. Off we go to our favorite stomping ground where I spend money, but not spend money. I have gift cards. I get more scrap booking stuff. Let's get that organized please!!!

Get my car, Pathmark and drive Angela home. I have still not written to my friend. I reread all or conversations and cringe again at what has transpired the last two days. I tell her how much I appreciate her forgiveness and ask that she not let go of the idea of one day regaining the friendship we once shared. It may not ever happen, but you have to take the bad with the good. My hope is that it does not alienate her from doing things as a group with the other girls. One friend says she will not attend our next event. I will try to persuade her to still come for them. Not for me.

I bought her the things that she wanted from one of the stores we were in, as a gesture of hope to get us at least to a point where we can still get together as a group. The items in no way can ever take away the pain that I caused, but it is something I wanted to do. I hope she accepts them. I have not gotten a response and am hoping that she her forgiveness was altered by speaking with other friends about what I had done and they tell her to let me go. If so, then that is a just punishment.

I know I am beating myself up for this dearly, but I absolutely am so sorry that I did this to anyone, let alone my friend.